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Test Your Aphoristic Muscle

I. Multiple Choice

1. The beginning _______ the end.

   a. is
   b. wants
   c. mocks
   d. slaughters

1.5 Opposites

   a. attract
   b. procreate
   c. implode
   d. coordinate, like last year's leg warmer craze

2. The grass is always greener

   a. on the other side of the fence.
   b. on the other side of town, across the railroad tracks, in the gated communities.
   c. in the Easter bunny’s basket.
   d. except when it’s browner.

3. There are two sides to everything,

   a. while some things have many more sides than that.
   b. except, by definition, the point.
   c. including your mother’s heart.
   d. that is material, a material possession, or simply, possessed.

4. Look on the brighter side;

   a. half of the Earth sees it at least half of the time.
   b. if enlightenment doesn’t blind you, maybe you’ll see something—pink elephants with kazoos, for example.
   c. avoid high electric bills.
   d. then hear, touch, taste, feel on the darker side.


II. True or False

____Cats are better than dogs.
____Dogs are better than cats.
____Cogs and Dats are the best of all.
____Hail does not count as ‘raining cats and dogs.’
____Brown sugar tastes better than white fur.


III. Write your own aphorism (using only and all of the following words):





If you look at the scoring before completing the test, you fail; when you count your chickens before they hatch everyone else in the room hates you.

If you circled ‘C’ anywhere on the test, you fail; ‘C’ is the most cliché multiple choice answer.

If you wrote your own answer to any of questions one through four, extra points, but only if you marked your invented answer as choice ‘E’; the world must have some order.

If you marked more than two of the True/False prompts as true, you fail; too much truth can kill you.

If you used only and all of the words provided to write your own aphorism, extra points. If you used more or fewer words than those provided, you must have a neighbor grade this portion, and he/she has the right to pass/fail you; breaking the rules or stepping outside of the rhetorical situation demands the understanding and approval of an audience.

If you blew off the test altogether, you are an aphoristic genius; there’s only so much time to linger in a field of jonquils [1] .

[1] Also known as the “rush-leaved daffodil.”

Posted on Sunday, January 21 by Registered Commenternana | CommentsPost a Comment

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